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cool MSc

Aug. 22nd, 2011 | 10:11 pm

http://www.escpeurope.eu/escp-europe-programmes/full-time-specialized-masters/2-masters-in-marketing-and-communication/ms-marketing-management-for-the-pharmaceutical-industry-and-biotechnologies

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Spontaneous

Jul. 22nd, 2011 | 12:57 am

In the end i am alone.
No partner, no parents, no one.
Only my little sunshine to keep me strong,
because for her i need to be the best and to move on!

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Zadelo :(((( PO serdcu

Jul. 1st, 2011 | 12:52 am

Мужчины, пожалуйста прочтите это! Я хотел бы в этой жизни попросить Вас
только об одном — будьте мужчинами! Забудьте про недавний бунт феминизма
— носите женщинам сумки, платите за них в кафе, открывайте им двери,
защищайте их, берите на себя их проблемы. Может быть, вы поймете зачем
все это, и почему именно вы, когда в тысячный раз придете домой, а там
все так уютненько, полотенчики ваши разного цвета в ванной, тарелочка с
ужином стоит. А может быть, когда все будет валиться из рук — работа,
бизнес, друзья, а она — ваша хорошая, рядышком будет каждый день — руки
целовать, клубочком у ног лежать и твердить вам, что вы самый лучший. А
может быть, когда вы увидите, сколько здоровья и нервов она потеряла,
нося под сердцем ваше дитя, или когда после 12-16-20 часов родов в
муках, она подарит вам наследника.

Будьте добрее к ней.
Прекратите трепать ее нервы вашей гордостью, мужской логикой, силой
характера. Звоните ей. Особенно когда вы поругались, звоните ей. Если бы
вы только видели, как горько она плачет после того, как вы бросили
трубку, вышли из онлайна, хлопнули дверью. Нет, не так красиво она
плачет, как в фильмах показывают, в подушечку и тихонько. Она рыдает
навзрыд, размазывая слезы по некрасивому, опухшему, красному лицу. Ее
слышно на улице, в соседней квартире. Она воет от боли, которую
причиняете ей вы. Звоните ей, возвращайтесь, приезжайте. Хватайте ее на
руки и выносите из этого горя, как из огня на пожаре.

Не
обижайте ее. Не кричите, не оскорбляйте. Вы убиваете ее словами. Ее,
добрую, нежную, настоящую. Она становится злой, жестокой и мстительной,
просто потому что вы однажды зло бросили ей в лицо «сука!». Вы тысячу
раз пожалели потом о сказанном, сделанном, в сердцах брошенном. Но
момент уже прошел. Часть ее уже умерла, потому что вы даже не
представляете как это невыносимо больно слышать от самого любимого и
родного злые слова. Вы помиритесь потом, только она все равно не
забудет. Вам не напомнит, но сама еще не раз прокрутит ваши слова в
голове, поплачет одна, порежет сердце на мелкие куски. А потом вы,
дорогие мужчины, будете удивляться, откуда в ней столько цинизма и
безразличия. Она его из шрамов на сердце шьет и вяжет. Шрамов, которые
оставили там вы.

Ревнуйте ее. Страстно, бурно, неистово.
Бейте кулаками в стены, топайте ногами, крушите все вокруг. Только
никогда не говорите ей, что она виновата в этом. Не упрекайте ее, не
обвиняйте. Пусть лучше «тот козел, что на нее посмотрел» будет во всем
неправ. Но она для вас пусть останется святой. Поверьте мне, если она
захочет изменить, она изменит, а вы не узнаете. Но если вы обратили
внимание, сделала она это специально. Что бы хотя бы так вы показали ей,
что ревнуете, а значит любите, цените и боитесь потерять. Значит, она
засомневалась, в себе, в ваших чувствах. Значит, боится за ваше «мы».


Говорите ей чаще об этом. Говорите, что она ваше все, что с
ней, как в раю. Пусть это будет по киношному приторно, пусть. Говорите!
Если вдруг завтра ее не станет. А ведь ее когда-нибудь не станет. Ведь
нас всех когда-нибудь не станет. Жизнь, ведь она такая коротенькая,
такая непредсказуемая, может закончиться в один миг. Так вот, если ее
завтра не станет, у вас уже никогда не будет шанса сказать ей обо всем.
Говорите, дорогие, говорите. Обещайте, не жалейте обещаний, не бойтесь
обмануть. Она такая счастливая, когда слышит обещания, когда мечтает,
надеется на что-то очень хорошее. Она такая красивая в этот миг, такая
ОНА... Разве она не заслужила? Да даже если вы расстанетесь послезавтра,
разве не стоит оно все этих пятнадцати минут, когда вы лежали в обнимку
и мечтали о вашем красивом будущем! Стоит! Каждая секунда стоит! Потому
что так мало в наших жизнях этих секунд.

А мы еще и
ограничиваем себя. Мы взвешиваем, просчитываем, продумываем, мы, идиоты,
черт возьми, строим отношения! А отношения надо просто проживать!
Просто любить, страдать, гореть. Говорить, что думаешь вот прямо сейчас,
вот в эту минуту.

Встань ты уже из-за своего компьютера,
открой окно, и заори во всю мощь: «Я ЛЮБЛЮ ТЕБЯ, ГЛУПАЯ!!!

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LOVE=STRANGE

Jun. 24th, 2011 | 03:52 am

Love is such a strange thing...
Honestly, it is very strange, sometimes almost predictible, sometimes impossible to understand.
When someone loves you and looks into your eyes and sees the galaxy of his world, it makes you want to fall in love back. You are ready to give up anything, just to hold onto this feeling that this person is feeling. Because you know exactly what he is feeling... Because you felt it before. Long long time ago. Maybe one day this feeling will return. But you will not ruin his happieness, like someone has ruined yours. Because you know exactly how that feels...

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Heaven, soon i will be in heaven ...

Jun. 23rd, 2011 | 01:26 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ichwDKyY6SU
Heaven, I'm in Heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek.
Heaven, I'm in Heaven,
And the cares that hang around me thro' the week
Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek.
Oh! I love to climb a mountain,
And to reach the highest peak,
But it doesn't thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek.
Oh! I love to go out fishing
In a river or a creek,
But I don't enjoy it half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek.
Dance with me
I want my arm about you;
The charm about you
Will carry me thro' to Heaven
I'm in Heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek

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OH man...

Jun. 22nd, 2011 | 03:09 am

иди вперед не оглядывайся и не глазей по сторонам.кому надо тот будет идти с тобой рядом в ногу,твоим темпом!)
Quote: Ollie Kadrmetova

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За что судить человека за раннюю смерть, если он не был счастлив?

Jun. 11th, 2011 | 01:00 am

When you burst out crying alone in your room, and you realize that no one truly knows how unhappy you are because you don’t want anyone to know.

 (from http://mcmcys.tumblr.com/post/3792307100/when-you-burst-out-crying-alone-in-your-room-and-you)

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Omg, what a present!

May. 23rd, 2011 | 03:37 am

Science Journalism Self Learning
http://www.wfsj.org/course/en/

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Soemthing to attend later... NLP to imrove education

May. 22nd, 2011 | 02:31 am

http://meta4education.co.uk/

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Soo...

May. 21st, 2011 | 04:11 am

So my plans... What can i say, as soon as i get home i need to GET ON with it! It will be like a 9-12 job and my responcibilities will include cleaning, cooking and picking up shit from my cat ON TOP of all the management. Something tells me i might start an "independant" cosmetic project, i am definatly starting a blog- i have joined SNOB.RU today. But to the disapointment of Julie, it will be mostly on science, and only sometimes on food :) i think.... "я так думаю".

Hmm, and my daughters birthday is next week. I wanted to invite some kids, but i only know about 3 families... My second cousins son (what is he to kira, tripple cousin?), my neighbours son and also Kiras cousin uncle on Vs side... Oh and another uncle actually... If i invite the closest, family and friends who are in moscow (half of them are not at the moment, thanks god), which i should, it will probably still come up to about 20 people, how the fuck will i manage in my apartment with little kids all together, i dont know. But i dont have the money to do it in a restaurant... we will see.

Probably cook a lot of nibs and lay them out in advance, so i dont have to serve proper meals.... And buy paper plates, so i dont have to die washing up, hehe. Oh, motherhood, it's been 3 years and it is still wierd.


I need to structure my life. Give myself 2 majour tasks a day, otherwise i end up doing everythin at the same time arriving with no results in the end. Bad, bad habbits! FOCUS!

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Broken again...

May. 20th, 2011 | 06:12 am

Sometimes i feel i want to turn to god...

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WareLynx

May. 19th, 2011 | 06:48 am

Full moon, i am drunk after having a paellea with my Spanish neighbours. I look at myself in the mirror and i see a stranger. So much has changed, so many factors and people influenced me in such a drastic way.... I dont know who i am anymore. I was betrayed, i have betrayed as a result. I have done terribly inhumane things as well as terribly kind things...

How can i be confident, if i dont even know who i am anymore?

I need some kind of boundaries for my persona, for my feelings and goals. I need to find my nieche.
And i am on my way.
It is blurry, but it is ahaead of me.
What scares me most, is that anyone who comes across my life at the moment has a strong power to shape me and my life.
I am a sponge.
Sponge Bok -as Kira puts it.

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Reminder

May. 19th, 2011 | 03:54 am

Like in the song
"I would catch a granade for you,
I would jump in front of the train for you...
But...."

But he wouldn't even bother to take us to the airport.

:) fucker

But lucky me, i have Petr to show me what a true loving man would really do for us.
Thank you.

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My fucked up brain!

May. 18th, 2011 | 04:00 pm

When will i be able to sort out my plans? Am i too easily influenced by other people?

What do i really want?
I want to go to UK, do my Masters, spend time with my daughter and write a blog in spare time. Thaen get a job, imporve myself, then start working on my own projects across a few countries, earn money, spend it all my daughter, my home and myself.

What Petr talks me into? To come to Russia after masters, get pregnant, work a bit, give birth, get pregnant again. Cook, clean, do photography, go to the gym and look gorgeous. Spend his money and make him feel loved. Feel loved in return, have a family home in Russia, wear diamonds, be a woman of her man, write a blog, pretend to be amazing when socialising, make him feel good about having such an amazing woman...

So either alone, but ambicioius... Or a wife, a mothere, and a gorgeous woman, but restricted to the responcibilities of doing what is in the interests of our family.


Welcome to my left vs right hemispheres. My life is full of these confusions. Drives me crazy.

P.s.Sooner i make a decision, sooner i will forget V.

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Finally i have burn out, what a magical moment!

May. 18th, 2011 | 05:00 am

Thank you, my dear calm life here intenerife, i have come to a conclusion, that eventhough i deeply still love V i have burned out completely towards him. I has given him everytjing inside, all of my love, all of my hate, all of my patience, all of my impatience, all of the pain i could ever imagine feeling etc etc. I have nothing left, but the understanding that we dont fit, he would never be able to give me he feeling of protection, support and understanding. I am so glad that i have finally come to this conclusion.

Interestingly on the other hand i have come to another conclusion. Petr, i cannot let go of him. He, on the other hand, gives out wibes of clamness, protection, support, love and care. He is trully my soulmate when it comes to vews on family values. He is so wise out of the blue. He comes out with such deep conclusions in such simple details of life!

Victor didn't give me care, support and understanding, that i begged him of. Instead he was such acritic, always unhappy with me in some way. The way i spoke or did things, grrr. He made me feel so exhausted and hopeless, he made me cry and scream. I was such a nervewreck. He blamed me for being a psycho, but i never was like that, he brought it up in me. What could he give me in future? Well, he will be rich and successfull for sure. He strives so hard! So he could give me expensive presents and luxury life? Pfff, this is worthless to me. Without true love it means nothing.

What can Peter give me? Give us? Already i feel content, confident and protected in his presence. We had a chat on the phone today. You know, i berayed him twice, because i thought trying to rebuild family that me and Viktor had was more important than anything. He bought tickets to come see me on Canary islands and i screamed at him and told him to through these tickets away. All because i still hoped Vic would do something drastic, to prove that he loved us and wanted us back. But despite all of this ugly shit he offered to meet me at the airport at 6 am before he goes to work. He said that he knows that it will be a difficult night flight and that he wants to be there to help. And when we were leaving to Tenwrife what did Victor said? He said, if you need help i can always take you to the airport, but i would rather insist you organise it yourself. Hahahaha, wow. What a man.



So i came to a sudden conclusion today after reading an article on a study between couples, where one partner was better looking than the other. The study came to a conclusion, that coupples where the man is considered more attractive, are less limely to last as long, as the couples where the woman is. Because attractive men love themselfes. But women generally having a caring nature and tend to be more loyal and understanding. So in the couple, where the woman is hot and a man is not, men would love their women and care for her as much as she deserves. Which would make both more happy.

So me and Petr have far more chances of having a happy marriage :) On all fronts.

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Visited a few dating sites :)

May. 16th, 2011 | 03:16 am

Ha, there is still hope out there. I have very high standards :(
Which takes me to the next point- i need to hit the gym :P
Spent 30 minutes swimming today, but honestly summer is around the corner, what was i thinking?

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Organisational aspect...

May. 16th, 2011 | 12:21 am

I need to get more organised. I need to get a special notebook to keep all my house spendings on track. I need to work out the average to spend on electricity, gas, tax, kindergarden. I need to workout how much it would cost me to own a small car. Maybe a volvo s40 that have at home. Or even the smaller one, c30 i think, need to check. Petrol, tax, insurance...

I really need to work out an average i spend per year on nessesary living, including food. And add extra on top for cosmetics, clothes, christmass presents etc etc.

Cat insurance aswell... God! so much stuff!

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But still

May. 14th, 2011 | 06:46 am

I know that there is someone who is kind and caring and is worth my love and efforts :)
Someone who will take care of me and Kira, someone who will try his best to avoid my tears.

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Thought thougts

May. 14th, 2011 | 03:07 am

I am in such a strange frame of mind lately. On one side i am looking forward to discovering life the way i want it to be discovered. I am taking my time obtaining all the theoretical knowledge before i know i will make an action. The fact i have a goal to aim towards gives me a lot of energy.


But at the same time i feel that i dont know enough people that have gone though certain fases and stages and got to the point of doing something that makes sence all by themselves. I blame it on the age quite a lot. Everyone is way too young to achive so much, we are still learning and still taking our first steps... Uh, my impatience.

Another constant worry...
Will i meet a man of my dreams ever? Theoretically it can happen today or tomorrow. Maybe i even know him already, but for some reason i am mostly attracted to genioius men. It's tough, there arent that many really. And in my life there were 2; both were complete assholes. And the guys who i find good, almost perfect, kind, goodlooking etc etc... Well i just dont love them. It's fun for a few monhs and then i cannot do it anymore.


So, men i am usually attracted to are super smart, charismatic, enthusiastic, of course good looking, and confident. These are the very first things you can notice about someone. But really, i woud love him to be organised, well mannered, very caring and kind. I wan him to be talkative and i want him to be my total partner in life, in everything we do night and day. Next time i see a falling star i will wish upon it :)


Next topic.
I have so many bad habbits that i am currently trying to work on. First of all i tend to do 100 things at the same time. I need to learn to focus on only one or two, then switch AFTER they are complete... That would creat a lot of order in my life, because older we get, more responsibilities we get. I feel fully responsible for my daughter, my house in uk, almost fully responsible for another property, my cat, my car, tax, bills... And i get so lost in this big mess sometimes. If anyone has good organisational tips, i would greatly apreciate!

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I need a second iPad!

May. 13th, 2011 | 05:11 am

http://www.greatminds.ie/Wealth_Building_Books/Default.675.html

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Love her... Or reading Stephen Covey

May. 12th, 2011 | 04:02 am

"-Me and my wife have 3 children, but we just don't love each other anymore... I guess i dont love her anymore, idon't know what to do...
-Love her!
-You don't understand, the feeling is not there anymore.
-Love her! Love is a verb. If the feeling isn't there anymore, love her! Love-the-feeling is the fruit of love-the-verb. Love her, serve her, appreciate her, sacrifice for her, affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"


"Proactive people make love the verb, it's sacrifices you make, if you want to study love, study those who sacrifise for others, love is a value that is actualized through loving actions."

Quotes slightly reworded :s

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Information

May. 12th, 2011 | 02:30 am

http://www.in-cosmetics.com/files/ic11_mintel_antiageing_skincare.pdf
Tags:

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Comming to a conclusion actually...

May. 11th, 2011 | 02:43 am

Read 3 "clever books" on human relations and effectiveness, etc. etc.
Basically the conclusion I came to... That I could do much better in comunicating what was wrong in the first place, but in my existing efforts, where he was the one forcing me to agree with his decisions, no matter what the topic was, forcing me to depend on him, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. "Period".

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My point has been proven before...

May. 10th, 2011 | 05:59 am

"Interpretation of the facts are influenced by prior experiences, the facts mean nothing, but this interpretation "
Stephen Covey

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Please, give me strength!

May. 9th, 2011 | 06:50 am
Feeling: pleasedpleased

Dear God,
It is so difficult at times. It is nearly impossible to handle. But I know I have to go through this to be strong.
Soon I will leave to UK and I hope to find my peace there.
I know me and Kira deserve love, care and respect.
I am not going to settle for less!

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Gospodi!

May. 8th, 2011 | 07:32 pm

Zalejte mne dihlofos v golovu!!!

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So many questions unanswered...

May. 6th, 2011 | 05:11 am

Still crying....

But it's until I find new love.
He brought too much pain and misery into my life... He was ONLY kind to me when I was strong. As soon as it was me, who needed support, who was upset and had no strength, he would turn away. Always.

Because suddenly I am behaving like a child and being needy. Fuck that. A real man is there to protect and to care for his woman. He has never showed his care, it was all flashy presents sponsored by his mum, that I didn't even need. They were nice, I did enjoy them, but I didn't need em, I needed something totally different!

Dear god, please let me find a man, who will be strong, reliable, kind and truly caring and loving. And I will give my whole life to that man :) and we will be happy forever and ever with at least 2 more children :)

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If only i knew...

May. 4th, 2011 | 05:52 am

Regret is the worst feeling in the world.... Regret and jealousy...
Because they bring deep sadness...

Shame, shame, shame....
But what can we do?
NOTHING
Move along... MOVE ON!

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Everything is going to collapse...

May. 4th, 2011 | 04:09 am

So be prepared, invest in yourself as much as you can, so when the next "crisis" strikes, you wont be the one unemployed ...

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When i was a young girl...

May. 3rd, 2011 | 09:10 pm

Love people, love life, love yourself...
Love nature and just for a second close your eyes, right now, and breath in the present milliseconds. Try to memorise this very moment of your life, this millisecond- where has your life taken you so far, what surrounds you, what do you feel? Take a mental picture for you to remember when you are much older.

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